Divorce

This week we talked on divorce. There are many people who have been affected by divorce some way or another. There are some things that increase the risk of divorce. One of them is marrying at a young age, however, I do not think it is age that determines this but perhaps maturity. I was married at nineteen, which is young, but I am very happy with my decision. I am married to my absolute best friend. My husband and I were actually discussing the other dAy that we are so lucky because we've never have had such a good friend. One thing that we agreed on when we got married was that divorce is never in our vocabulary. My husband was actually the one who said that and it was such a comfort to me. I know that if you go into a marriage knowing that there will be hard times and with an attitude of working through whatever then it will help greatly. I think one thing that is so sad to me is the fact that divorce often breeds hatred. I don't understand how when you get married you enter this partnership centering your entire life around each other. At what point does that love change to hatred?

Parenting

Well this week was a very intersting topic. One of the topics was spanking.  It was a very heated discusion.  Some people got angry and I feel that they were not very open to others view points or opinions.

I must say though that learning about spanking and its effects really opened my mind.  I now am at a crossroads. Growing up I received an occasional spank if I did something very wrong, and it generally was a last resort. My husband also got spanked when he did things that were wrong.  I always thought that I would spank my children to teach them, however, this class has made me think.  I think that sometimes it is necessary as a very very last resort but I also believe that there are definitely much more affective ways to teach my child and to help them learn. I loved the concept of the twenty minute solution. This is just taking the time to play with your child.  To put yourself in their world. Do not act like a mother but a friend. I think often times parents-- and i'm not one to talk because i'm not yet a mother-- forget to just play with their children.  They get so focused on discipling, or getting everyday errands and house work done that they don't stop and actually give their 100 % attention to their children.  I really enjoyed the classes this week. They have helped me to learn so much!

Fatherhood

This week's topic in class was fatherhood. This week has really made me reflect on my own father and the great things that he taught me. My father was always very good about being family oriented. He was always taking us up to the cabin to go snowmachining, or four wheeling, he would include us when he had to work. One of the most important things that he taught and showed us was that we should always be able to talk to him. He always told us that it did not matter what mistakes we made that he would back us up if we were honest. He said that the minute he caught us lying that he would lose his trust. This did not excuse us from being responsible for our mistakes. He also taught us how to be confident in ourselves and life skills. One year he took my friends and I boating. It was my first year driving and he made me back the boat down the ramp. I've never been so mad! I didn't want to do it in front of my friends, but he made me. Now I am very grateful that he made me do the things I didn't want to.  I'm very grateful for the life long lessons that he has taught me.

Communication

This chapter has really helped me to identify the things I need to work on to have better communication. One thing we learned in class that is very beneficial is to not let emotion over run logic and being level headed. When communicating there should be a balance of the two. If emotion overruns it causes many problems. It can lead to anger, or tantrums, or assumptions about the other person. This leads to both people either getting angry with each other or getting feelings hurt.

When communicating it is important to listen. I learned that sometimes I am a bad listener when I have a lot of things on my mind.

When something is bothering me I need to be better at addressing the issue. I tend to become quiet and say nothing is wrong when asked if something is bothering me. This leads to a prolonged issue that escalates to an even larger issue. The receiver does not understand what is happening and why I am behaving that way.

Stress and the Family

Stress is evident in life. This week we learned about stress and how the family handles it. We learned about the ABCX model. A equals the stressor event. B is the management of the stress through coping with resources such as religion, extended family, traditions, planning, etc. C is families definition of the stress, and X is the crisis or stress itself. We learned that a family who does not deal with stress well can turn a stressor into a crisis due to the fact of poor stress management. A stress to one family may be a crisis to another.

Most every family goes through stages of events. These stages are called the family life stages. It starts out when an individual leaves the home. The second is entering into an intimate relationship or coupling. The thrid is parenting young children. This stage can be hard because the husband and wife now have to divide their time between themselves and their child. The fourth is parenting adolescents. The fifth is launching children, and the fourth is retirement.

Interdepence is having a balance of independence and dependence on either a family member, close friend, or relative. This is the most healthy.