Final Post

This is our final post for the end of the semester! I have really enjoyed this class, it has helped to learn numerous things in my personal relationships with my husband, and family. This class has helped me determine that I do want to go into Marriage and Family Relations with a clincial emphasis.  I am very excited. Thanks for all That you have taught me!

Divorce

This week we talked on divorce. There are many people who have been affected by divorce some way or another. There are some things that increase the risk of divorce. One of them is marrying at a young age, however, I do not think it is age that determines this but perhaps maturity. I was married at nineteen, which is young, but I am very happy with my decision. I am married to my absolute best friend. My husband and I were actually discussing the other dAy that we are so lucky because we've never have had such a good friend. One thing that we agreed on when we got married was that divorce is never in our vocabulary. My husband was actually the one who said that and it was such a comfort to me. I know that if you go into a marriage knowing that there will be hard times and with an attitude of working through whatever then it will help greatly. I think one thing that is so sad to me is the fact that divorce often breeds hatred. I don't understand how when you get married you enter this partnership centering your entire life around each other. At what point does that love change to hatred?

Parenting

Well this week was a very intersting topic. One of the topics was spanking.  It was a very heated discusion.  Some people got angry and I feel that they were not very open to others view points or opinions.

I must say though that learning about spanking and its effects really opened my mind.  I now am at a crossroads. Growing up I received an occasional spank if I did something very wrong, and it generally was a last resort. My husband also got spanked when he did things that were wrong.  I always thought that I would spank my children to teach them, however, this class has made me think.  I think that sometimes it is necessary as a very very last resort but I also believe that there are definitely much more affective ways to teach my child and to help them learn. I loved the concept of the twenty minute solution. This is just taking the time to play with your child.  To put yourself in their world. Do not act like a mother but a friend. I think often times parents-- and i'm not one to talk because i'm not yet a mother-- forget to just play with their children.  They get so focused on discipling, or getting everyday errands and house work done that they don't stop and actually give their 100 % attention to their children.  I really enjoyed the classes this week. They have helped me to learn so much!

Fatherhood

This week's topic in class was fatherhood. This week has really made me reflect on my own father and the great things that he taught me. My father was always very good about being family oriented. He was always taking us up to the cabin to go snowmachining, or four wheeling, he would include us when he had to work. One of the most important things that he taught and showed us was that we should always be able to talk to him. He always told us that it did not matter what mistakes we made that he would back us up if we were honest. He said that the minute he caught us lying that he would lose his trust. This did not excuse us from being responsible for our mistakes. He also taught us how to be confident in ourselves and life skills. One year he took my friends and I boating. It was my first year driving and he made me back the boat down the ramp. I've never been so mad! I didn't want to do it in front of my friends, but he made me. Now I am very grateful that he made me do the things I didn't want to.  I'm very grateful for the life long lessons that he has taught me.

Communication

This chapter has really helped me to identify the things I need to work on to have better communication. One thing we learned in class that is very beneficial is to not let emotion over run logic and being level headed. When communicating there should be a balance of the two. If emotion overruns it causes many problems. It can lead to anger, or tantrums, or assumptions about the other person. This leads to both people either getting angry with each other or getting feelings hurt.

When communicating it is important to listen. I learned that sometimes I am a bad listener when I have a lot of things on my mind.

When something is bothering me I need to be better at addressing the issue. I tend to become quiet and say nothing is wrong when asked if something is bothering me. This leads to a prolonged issue that escalates to an even larger issue. The receiver does not understand what is happening and why I am behaving that way.

Stress and the Family

Stress is evident in life. This week we learned about stress and how the family handles it. We learned about the ABCX model. A equals the stressor event. B is the management of the stress through coping with resources such as religion, extended family, traditions, planning, etc. C is families definition of the stress, and X is the crisis or stress itself. We learned that a family who does not deal with stress well can turn a stressor into a crisis due to the fact of poor stress management. A stress to one family may be a crisis to another.

Most every family goes through stages of events. These stages are called the family life stages. It starts out when an individual leaves the home. The second is entering into an intimate relationship or coupling. The thrid is parenting young children. This stage can be hard because the husband and wife now have to divide their time between themselves and their child. The fourth is parenting adolescents. The fifth is launching children, and the fourth is retirement.

Interdepence is having a balance of independence and dependence on either a family member, close friend, or relative. This is the most healthy.

Sexual Intimacy and Family Love

We spoke in class about sexual intimacy and family love. We learned about the four stages to the human sexual response system. It entails first excitement, second plateau third orgasmic, and forth the resolution. Men and women both can experience all of the stages except for the forth stage. The forth stage only applies to men.

We also shared opinions about contraception and abortion. Students for the most part shared the same views and beliefs on abortion. They did not agree with it. Contraception, and when to have children was a topic that had many different attitudes and beliefs.

Relationships and marriage transitions.

We learned about four types  of ways that couples or people react to a diminished relationship. The first type is called Exit. This is where the relationship is reverting backwards, or regressing to the start. An example of this is when a relationship is going to fast and the couple decides that they need to slow down . This type is destructive and active.

The second type is Voice. This when a partner in the relationships addresses the issue and talks about it head on. They are trying to change somethings. This is both constructive and active.

The third type is loyalty. One of the partners or both is enduring the strained relationship because of the time put into the relationship or because staying the relationship has more benefits. This is constructive and passive.

The fourth type is neglect. One or both are not being honest about the severity of the issue and try to act as though it is not happening. They suddenly become busier and avoid their partner. This is destructive and passive.

The last thing we talked about is adjusting to marriage. Three main things talked about were power and control, distribution and labor(work, house work) and the last was allocation of resources(time and money). Who is in charge of finances. Figuring out the spending of joining two people together.

Preparing For Marriage

I forgot about this until 9 pm on a Sunday night. I hope that's okay!

We learned about the law of attraction.  There are four things that ... in the law of attraction. The first is physical attraction.  We learned about the two theories social and biological.  the Second component to the law of attraction is proximity, which is explained as the closer you live to somebody the higher percentage of starting a relationship.  The third component is familiarities. There were two examples given the first is usually you are drawn to somebody by recognizing them from somewhere. The second is is based being introduced or set up by a close friend or acquaintance that knows of someone. The last one is similarities.  You are drawn to somebody by how you can connect to the similarities you share with each other.

We learned that self disclosure is an important part of building intimacy. Four things associated with self disclosure are one sharing of emotions, two sharing of needs, three sharing thoughts, beliefs, attitudes and fantacies, and four is sharing of self awareness.

Three leves of communication include one superficial( group of people not super familiar), two personal(friendship), and three intimate (intimate relationship)

Conversation about same-sex attraction.  It really helped me to gain a different perspective on the reasons that can occur. Before I think I kind of did not understand a lot about it and was quick to judge. We heard some personal stories of kids in our class had brothers or sisters who had this problem.  I learned to look at people and not judge or say why they are gay or lesbian.  It also helped me to gain a perspective of those in our church who deal with this.  Many of them do not want to live the lifestyle, which presents many problems for them.

We also learned about the factors that play a role in your sexual orientation.  There is too many to say that one thing causes us to go different ways. Things like: family, environment, natural born attributes, confusion, bullying and labeling, and many other things.  We learned about a thing called neurotic to exotic, meaning, that a person may have natural born attributes that are like the other sex.  These are not a bad thing but in fact can be a good thing; however, others look at them and label them as homosexual and so the person starts to believe it and act on it.

Next time somebody is being teased about how they act, think about what  you are doing.

Social Classes

This week we talked about social classes in America.  Sometimes we like to think or act like there is no social classes.  It is something that seems very personal and is not talked about. We were asked in our class what class we are in and kind of how we were treated. It was hard for students to say what their class was even if they were upper class or lower class. We watched several movies on social classes, one in particular was about a couple who was getting married. The wife was from a family of high social class, whereas, the husband was from a much lower class. The wife lied to the news paper and told them that her husband grew up in a more wealthier town than he actually did.  She did not want people to know that he was from a poor part of town.  The video is called "Trouble In Paradise" on youtube.

The other video was called "Tammy".  It's on youtube.  You should look it up and form your opinion.

I find Tammy's situation very sad. She was in the lower class and had to work 10 miles a day to her job at Burger King. While walking to work, people would shout things  at her referring to her being poor.  She had just accepted where she was, whereas, her son was very embarrassed and critical of her.

It was interesting to see both sides of the spectrum.  Both scenarios had some form of sadness to them.

Family Systems and Rules

In our class we learned about how families have systems and subsystem. The system is the family as a whole and a subsystem is something that every member plays a role in. Each member is a subsystem to make that family run as a system. For example the oldest daughter helps her mother as a secondary mother in a family where the father is gone.  Or the middle child is the one in the family who cheers up a member of the family when they are sad. Learning this has made me step back to look at the different subsystems or roles in my family. Some good and some maybe not so good just like any family.

The other thing that is part of a family is family rules.  Which are rules that are developed without anything said.  For instance a rule between the children would be not to tattle tale.  Meta rules are rules about the rules.  So if you break the rule of not tattle telling then the one child who broke the rule will maybe be shunned by the other brothers and sisters from playing with them.  It's very interesting! Try and look at the different subsystems and quietly named rules in your family!

First Blog!

This is all new to me! I'm not exactly sure how I want this to go. I just thought I'd share my thoughts about the reading from Lauer and Lauer, titled "Marriage and Family".  We read about "Changing Patterns Of Intimate Relationships".  I found some of the facts and statistics to be disturbing, and some of it hopeful and helpful.  It reported in 2010 that a survey of high school students concluded that 48 percent has sexual relations at least once in high school as opposed to the 54 percent in 1999.  The other part that is alarming is that 61 percent of women in their early twenties who gave birth were unmarried.  I feel that this is a considerably high statistic. At first thought that maybe the worlds views on marriage were declining, but it went on to say that a national survey was completed about values from ages 14-29. It concluded that having a "lifelong partner" and "getting married" were of "top importance".  I think in the end most people have hopes to have a successful marriage and family.